Tips to Manage Anger Around Your Family During the Holidays

For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag
of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long
dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy.
Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might
revert to that role when you’re around your family without even realizing it.

There could be many things that make spending time with
family a challenge. Old family conflicts, harbored resentments, and spoken or
unspoken disagreements can make you dread seeing them again. If you have
trouble managing your anger when you’re around your family, read on for some
tips on how to keep your cool and allow anger to move you in positive directions.

Define How You
Experience Anger

People experience anger differently. Some might get more
aggressive, some might withdraw, and some internalize the anger. By being aware
of how you experience anger, you can better recognize when that emotion is
starting to develop inside you so you can take control of how you respond.

Rehearse Responses

It’s very common for family to ask intrusive or
inappropriate questions. You might have a busybody aunt who always asks about
your relationships, or maybe your sister is constantly bugging you about
starting a family. Come prepared with rehearsed responses so you won’t be
caught off guard.

Set Boundaries

It’s important to set boundaries with family. Depending on what type of coping style you tend to use most frequently ( stuffing, escalating or managing) boundaries may be harder to initiate.  If a family
member is aggressive or rude to you, or is always making you the butt of their
jokes, your silence acts as approval of their behavior. Because you don’t
protest, they think what they’re saying or doing is fine with you. Furthermore,
pretending their bad behavior is acceptable only gives them more room to continue
the bad behavior, or to get worse. Set boundaries with family and let them know
when things they’re saying or doing is not okay with you.

Cut the Visit Short

Sometimes the best option to keep the family peace (and your
sanity) is to spend less time. If your family tends to have snacks or drinks
before dinner, show up just in time to join the family for dinner at the table.
You can also opt to skip dessert or coffee and leave a bit early.

Family relationships are complex and deep-rooted, and family
are often the ones who know best how to push your buttons. We all need support at times and sometimes someone objective that is outside of the family can help you identify and manage triggers to anger and past hurts.  While managing your
anger can be challenging, learning to maintain control over your emotions is a
healthy act of self-love. It will not only keep you sane, but it will keep your
family relationships unharmed and intact.

If you’re having difficulty navigating complicated family
relationships, a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and
let’s schedule a time to talk.